Sean Avery facts :)

This was sent to us from Jon, a section 404 faithful. It is hysterical!

Killing Sean Avery doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.

If Sean Avery was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Darcy Tucker, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Darcy twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Sean Avery spared your life.

Superman wears Sean Avery pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Sean Avery says its beef. Then you better believe it’s beef.

Sean Avery once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Sean Avery. Sounds like a fair fight.

Let’s get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Sean Avery does not feel like carrying you.

Sean Avery was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Sean Avery.

Sean Avery played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Sean Avery lemons, he used them to beat down Darcy Tucker. Sean Avery hates lemonade.

Sean Avery once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Sean Avery is, in fact, still alive.

Sean Avery is the leading cause of death in Canadian men.

Sean Avery doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was aiming at another player twelve miles away.

When Sean Avery was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Sean Avery hit 93 people in just 1 shift. Wait, that is a real fact.

Simon Says should be renamed to Sean Avery Says because if Sean Avery says something then you better do it.

Sean Avery won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal.

When Sean Avery pisses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Sean Avery’s favorite color is Ranger blue. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Sean Avery jumps out.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Sean Avery for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Sean Avery can make him drink.

Sean Avery can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Sean Avery.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Sean Avery".

What color is Sean Avery's blood? Trick question. Sean Avery does not bleed.

Guns dont kill people, Sean Avery kills people.

If Sean and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Sean would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Sean Avery.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Sean Avery, you're f***ing dead."

Sean Avery has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Sean Avery laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Sean Avery signal.

It took Sean Avery two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

If Sean Avery was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWSAD?"

Sean Avery was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Sean Avery, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

Sean Avery's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Sean Avery hates casual conversation. He prefers elbows to the face.

It's not considered nerve gas until it gets on the nerves of Sean Avery.

Sean Avery has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.

Sean Avery invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?

Sean Avery pisses with the lid down and still gets it in.

One time, Sean Avery stubbed his toe, and subsequently destroyed the entire New York Islanders starting lineup.

Sean Avery doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.

Sean Avery is such a badass that as a Boy Scout he earned all his merit badges in one day.

Where the Happy Meal at McDonalds comes with a toy, the Sean Avery Meal comes with a dead Darcy Tucker.

Sean Avery fought Cancer. Now it's safe to smoke.

Anytime, anywhere, anyone elbows someone in the face, they have to pay a royalty to Sean Avery.

If Sean Avery were to run for President, he would be the nomination for both parties and win with 100% of the votes.

Sean Avery is the Best Man. Who said anything about a wedding?

When Sean stares into the sun, the sun flinches.

It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Sean Avery's milk. Oh you are so screwed.

If Sean Avery were to interrogate himself, the result would be analogous to multiplying infinity by zero.

Sean Avery drinks Centox gas and spits out terrorists.

Sean Avery's favorite interrogation technique: Bad Cop/Dead Suspect

Sean Avery has counted to infinity. Twice.

Sean Avery once knocked out Darcy Tucker in Toronto by pointing his finger, and whispering "Bang!" While eating a burger. In NYC.

When Sean Avery goes diving, the Sharks insist on a cage for their own protection.

Sean Avery doesnt walk thru the valley of the shadow of death.. he IS the valley of the shadow of death.

How many Sean Avery's does it take to change a light bulb? None. Sean Avery isn't afraid of the dark.

Sean Avery is so ruthless, his 4 inch action figure can extract information more efficently than an h2so4 enema.

Sean Avery's morning cup of coffee has been known to jump start nuclear submarines.

The city of New York once named a street after Sean Avery in gratitude for his play. They had to rename it after people kept getting knocked out when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Sean Avery.

Sean Avery's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd...no one fools Sean Avery.

If everyone on "24" followed Sean Avery's instructions, it would be called "12".

The state of New York plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Sean Avery.

Sean Avery set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's Sean Avery.

Sean doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Avery's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."

On a high school math test, Sean Avery put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Sean Avery solves all his problems with Violence.

Sean Avery wasn't born, he was unleashed.

Sean Avery could strangle you with a cordless phone.

Sean Avery once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Sean Avery doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.

Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Sean Avery. He passed. It was too violent.

"Sean Avery" is Russian for "I'm Screwed"